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Author
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Topic: Learning in a new world... Part 1
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Danoth Dragon God
Wandering Hero
Member # 148
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posted November 18, 2003 15:37
There was so little they could do. The family of four huddled in the corner of their basement. For the past hour and a half reports had been coming in about the end of the world. Way out in the country, they were unlikely to be struck directly by the coming nuclear fallout. But there were things so much worse than dying swiftly by incineration, so much worse. The eldest of the sons was the biggest in the family, 16 years of age and 6 feet tall. He was lean and muscular. His facial features were not quite handsome but not ugly. He had light green eyes that had a certain paleness to them, and dirty blonde hair. He stood away from the rest of his family, not caring a whiff about the rest of them.
He mumbled in a deep bass voice that he was going out. He walked across the street to where his girlfriend lived. What was he going to do? The end of the world was coming. He began to think...
He came up with a plan. He knocked on the door of his girlfriend’s house, knowing she was home. The brunette showed up at the door in a timely manner.
"Sorry I'm busy right now doing homework Tony, maybe later."
He looked at her with disbelief. "The end of the world is coming, or are you not watching the news? Everything will be a wasteland in just half an hour!" Tony replied with shock
"You’re joking... its not nice to kid like that!" She looked pale, as if she was going to faint. "This can't be happening... It just can't"
"Turn on the news and find out Amber. "He said pointedly
She walked off and came back in half a minute. "Oh God, why?"
"Don't worry, I have a plan, I think..."
"Not another of your hair brained schemes. Remember what happened when you said that you had a plan to make a lot of money... then you lost $100?"
"In a completely unrelated instance. I made the money back with my scheme. It will save our lives, you can have your family follow if you want. My family wouldn't follow me. Its all my stepdad's fault they wouldn't. Come on. Come with me if you want to live.... Sorry I love that line... Come with me and get in the car..."
"You haven’t had you license for 6 months yet."
"DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT MATTERS NOW? ANYONE WHO WOULD PULL US OVER WILL EITHER BE DEAD OR HIDING HUNDREDS OF FEET UNDERGROUND WITHIN A HALFHOUR!!!! GET OVER IT!!! Besides, I lied when I told you I took my driver’s test. Procrastination is a bad thing..."
"WHAT?"
"Hey hey hey, I know how to drive, it’s just that I have not yet received my license. Hurry up and gather some stuff to take with you. Tell your parents if you want, like I said earlier... tell them to follow me if they're coming. Im gonna go gather support..."
He ran back home and called all his friends whose phone number he knew. He told them all to be at his house in five minutes. He began packing his backpack full of clothes and useful items. He stuffed in 2 Kitchen knives on the side pouches, the knife sharpener, several pocketknives, a computer repair kit, a carton of bleach and a water purifier he found in the basement. He hurried outside to find his girlfriend waiting. Damn, girls could move fast when they wanted to.
Then she asked the Question he dreaded..."So what is your genius plan?"
"I heard something in 8th grade about government vaults to protect against nuclear attacks in the 60's... The government has recently been pouring a lot of money for "Defense". I looked it up on the Internet. They were refitting those nuclear fallout "Vaults". There is one nearby, just a tad north of us. If we wait for my friends we should be able to make it with enough people to make our plea to get in feasible..."
So we are entirely up to the mercy of the people in there, what if there is no one there to let us in?"
Tony pulled a Compact Disc in an envelope from his pocket. "Then I hack the codes using this program"
"And if there is no where to put the disc?"
"Hack the password the old fashioned way... which has virtually no chance of working, but its better than waiting here to die."
Suddenly several cars pulled up filled with people. Amber's mother and father along with her younger sister rushed out of the house and got in their car. A shorter brawny blonde haired guy yelled out of a car window, "Its go time Tony, hurry up."
Tony pulled the keys out of his pocket and got into his car with Amber following. He started up the car and they were off.TBC
(To Be Continued) [ November 20, 2003: Message edited by: Danoth Dragon God ] [ November 20, 2003: Message edited by: Danoth Dragon God ] -------------------- HAHAHAHA! Your lord of chaos has come, feel my wrath and tremble!!! For the Earth will burn with a fiery light and be purifyed and the corruption of the light will be cleansed with darkness
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Posts: 259 | From: Windsor, CA | Registered: Nov 2003
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rad-x
Vault Citizen
Member # 86
Member Rated:
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posted November 19, 2003 10:17
HEAD SCRIBE SPEAKS:
You certainly build up a lot of anticipation for the next installment. And it's all very good stuff. The jokes are really insightful, especially the gag about a time-worn cliche "Come with me if you want to live.... Sorry i love that line..." I like how you keep the dialogue flowing fast - I would have made the girlfriend take it as a threat which would add unneccessery delay BUT your way is actually better. The characterisation is light at the moment - I gain the impressions that he is a trickster with money, a slight idea of a very poor con artist and possibly paranoid because of his scheme. But these will likely change when I read the finished story. ... then you lost $100?"
"In a completly unrelated instance. I made the money back with my scheme. It will save our lives... " I didn't get the quote above too well. What scheme? Is it the scheme that is the plan? This is probably my fault but can you confirm it to me... Maybe you could have another paragraph at...
"He stood away from the rest of his family, not caring a whiff about the rest of them.
NEW PARAGRAPH
He mumbled in a deep bass voice that he was going out." I haven't had enough work as I should make myself have so...
SPELLING MISTAKES:
muscualar CORRECT - muscular
disbeleif CORERCT - disbelief
mumbeled CORRECT - mumbled Overall, good work man.
 -------------------- As I gaze up at the night sky in my own fair time, I look back down and see the devastation. This post-nuclear world. It's terrible. But at least we got Nuka-Cola, warm and flat, the drink of the post-apocalyptic civiliztion. Generation Next!
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Posts: 466 | From: Glasgow, Scotland | Registered: Nov 2002
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rad-x
Vault Citizen
Member # 86
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posted November 20, 2003 10:15
I've tried to write fan-fictions before, I know how hard it is - that's why this man/dragon/god needs INCENTIVE. This man/dragon/god is the king of kings for keeping on with it. It's so tedious writing a fic! I am writing something now though. Assure you I can of that. [ November 20, 2003: Message edited by: rad-x ] -------------------- As I gaze up at the night sky in my own fair time, I look back down and see the devastation. This post-nuclear world. It's terrible. But at least we got Nuka-Cola, warm and flat, the drink of the post-apocalyptic civiliztion. Generation Next!
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Posts: 466 | From: Glasgow, Scotland | Registered: Nov 2002
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