|
Author
|
Topic: Learning in a new world, part 3
|
Danoth Dragon God
Wandering Hero
Member # 148
Member Rated:
|
posted December 01, 2003 11:06
The inside of the vault was sparkling clean. The metal walls were gleaming. The lack of any form of filth suprised Tony. He had not expected this place to be so clean. He went down the long hall, moving up the lie until his friends were following. The walk seemed to last an eternity. Finally they reached the end of the hall. An elevator was in front of the group, two gleaming doors of pure carbonized steel. A large Caucasian man was standing there waiting for them.
"You need to go down with just your lieutenants. The rest have to wait here." The man shifted aside to allow Tony down. Tony motioned for his girlfriend and his cousin. They entered the elevator without complaint. As soon as they were in, the elevator began to go down. The decent was steady and quick. At the bottom level they exited the elevator and walked down another hall. Where the hall ended, another man was standing there, this time a small thin man of obviously Oriental decent. They were very happy to follow this man to the next place where they were lead to a large room. Here several men armed with firearms searched them for weapons. When one of them attempted to search his girlfriend, Tony detected the look of happiness in his eye and quickly moved to block him.
"She doesn't have anything. You have my word." The man continued moving forward. Tony moved to block his way again. The man suddenly lashed out, catching Tony across the face and knocking him to the floor. Rage flooded Tony. The man just continued moving toward Amber. Suddenly Tony turned man around and felled him with a powerful punch on the chin. The man groaned on the ground as the other guards pulled their firearms on Tony. Tony simply stood in frond of Amber, staring them down. Then an African American man came through the door on the far side of the room. He was huge. About 7 feet in height and with broad shoulders that spoke of great physical power. He had a look of authority about him, and intelligence gleamed in his eyes. He took in the scene at a glance.
"Leave them be, the boy gave his word. I will take responsibility. I am Major Williams, please follow me." The men put their firearms away. The man led them through the door he came through. They were shocked by what they saw next.
TBC
Sorry about the delays guys lots of trouble with motivation this weekend.  Procrastination is still bad... ![[Wierd Smile]](graemlins/icon16.gif) [ December 02, 2003: Message edited by: Danoth Dragon God ] -------------------- HAHAHAHA! Your lord of chaos has come, feel my wrath and tremble!!! For the Earth will burn with a fiery light and be purifyed and the corruption of the light will be cleansed with darkness
|
Posts: 259 | From: Windsor, CA | Registered: Nov 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
rad-x
Vault Citizen
Member # 86
Member Rated:
|
posted December 02, 2003 11:37
Two pretty flawless parts Danoth! Well done. This story is faster moving than a bullet train!EDIT: But, let's have a discussion about the story's tone. I found part one really funny, but it's changed and re-formed into a different tone. Is there a sense of bewilderment on the part of our main character causing lack of dialogue? If not, it still works in my opinion. [ December 02, 2003: Message edited by: rad-x ] -------------------- As I gaze up at the night sky in my own fair time, I look back down and see the devastation. This post-nuclear world. It's terrible. But at least we got Nuka-Cola, warm and flat, the drink of the post-apocalyptic civiliztion. Generation Next!
|
Posts: 466 | From: Glasgow, Scotland | Registered: Nov 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
