These are some stuff I got of a site some are pretty funny but enjoy..... ---------Deep Thoughts------
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
The things that come to those who wait are what's left behind by those
who got there first.
If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it
back in your pocket.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side, and
it holds the universe
together.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
The older you get, the better you get (unless you're a banana)
When everything's coming your way, chances are that you're traveling in the wrong lane.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
A synonym is a word you use in place of one you can't spell
Here's a new invention -- a solar-powered clothes dryer. It's
called a clothes line
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
When they first invented the clock, how did
they know what time it was to set it to?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to
begin with.
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make
terrible?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
deranged models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
depressed?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in
the universe you will believe them but if they tell you a wall has
wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign-makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there a mouse-flavored cat food?
Or cat-flavored dog food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the VCR clock work anyway?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hrs a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the frying pan?
If our knees bent the other way, what would a chair look like?
If you are cross-eyed and dyslexic at the same time, would you see okay?
If your in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn the headlights on?
When a crash-test-dummy hits his head, and no engineers record the results, does he make a sound?
When you have your picture taken with Mickey Mouse at Disneyland, does the guy inside the costume smile for the camera?
Why are there Interstate Highways in Hawaii?
Why are there floatation device under plane seats, instead of parachutes?
Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive up ATM?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called a cargo?
Why is there always one in every crowd? If you took all the ones in every crowd and put them in another crowd, will there be one in that crowd?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why is it that international magazines that advertise products will have the same description of something in different languages, but the description of each language is written in english? Who's that supposed to benefit?
Why do they print warning labels telling you not to eat poisonous substances when there isn't a "serving suggestion" on the label?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
What is the speed of dark?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...
It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
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If a man in a purple robe was crossing a bridge but snaps as he falls to his death and nobody is there to hear does he make a noise?
posted March 13, 2003 14:35
