Scotty the Great's Fallout Community: REBIRTH

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Topic: REBIRTH

FALLOUTGOD
Wandering Hero
Member # 94

Member Rated:

posted June 16, 2003 16:02

shadows trace the winding space
falling far from grace
the endless light displays
everything is for delays
but my hands are bleeing dry
so pained I want to cry
I fall and crawl to then end
I need to find my feet and stand
why can't I understand
I'm cutting my own hand
rise up and be all you can
your deeper than the well
theres power deep inside
trust in life as in suicide
rise up and be with me
everything else is just not to be
but my mind is running free
and my rage is killing me
through the blood mists to the stones
caked in dry blood and smotherd in gore
rise up and be
I let you go free
nothing left to lose
everything to gain
this life is driving me insane
I feel like I will fall in disdain
hit the walls to feel the pain
but I just ram my knuckles to grain
I'm tired of the fucking pain
I'm tired and it drove me insane
I hate and I hate
all this a proverbial stain
lost the will to live
nothing left to give
forgot who I was
forgot who I am
rise up and follow
I lead you to the shallow
pull your self on the land
quit drowning in your own shit
time to rise up and see
you got feelings deeper than even me
take your anger and let it free
let them all see what we can be
time for society to see the darker side
suicide is not for me tonight
I got my gun and a bomb
my hate is all that I debate
time to take it to the core
and infiltrate them slow
I will shater all their dreams
I will relish in their screams
dropping all the burdens on them
fucking up their lives like crystal meth
they will all feel lost
and have no one to trust
I will kiss the dust and eat the rust
I am coming to destroy
because I was fixed like a broken toy

this one is not really finished, something about it is off, I know that most of you don't think twice about giving critisism on my poems and this time I ask for some constructive critisism to figure out what I'm doing wrong

--------------------

xcuse me while i kill my self
blow my brain across the wall
fuck you all, how do you do
fuck me? fuck you too
and now i end this all

xcuse me while...... i kill my seeeeeeeeeeeeeelf

Posts: 389 | From: some-place-near-hell | Registered: Dec 2002 | IP: Logged

FALLOUTGOD Wandering Hero Member # 94 Member Rated:	posted June 19, 2003 17:37 has everyone died? -------------------- xcuse me while i kill my self blow my brain across the wall fuck you all, how do you do fuck me? fuck you too and now i end this all xcuse me while...... i kill my seeeeeeeeeeeeeelf
	Posts: 389 \| From: some-place-near-hell \| Registered: Dec 2002 \| IP: Logged

Scotty the Great Paragon Member # 1 Member Rated:	posted June 19, 2003 21:13 No, just disappeared Anyways, some constructive criticism..... lemme see........ Ok, for starters, work on being consistent. A lot of the lines do rhyme, but then there are those that don't. It would make sense if they appeared in equal incriments, but as far as I can tell they are random. Hrmph, that's all I got right now. If I think of anything else, I'll post it.
	Posts: 2906 \| From: Wisconsin \| Registered: May 2002 \| IP: Logged

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